Road to becoming ME

Found here are lessons I learn in my joyful journey to becoming ” ME ” .

Me as in the person I eventually wants to become. I write them here so I can always remember them and apply them to my life.

With these ammunitions, all goals and dreams can be achieve…. though achieving my goals can be exciting, who I become while I achieve my goals will be more fulfilling.

January 12, 2010

On being man, A warrior at heart.

On the 28th of Dec 2009, when I turned 42, I celebrated by witnessing the phophesy of my scheduled thinking time coming to fruition.  Spending 4 hours on an isolated eastern coast of Singapore. (  post : my best date ever 2009 ).

On the 29th, I did what I had to, to honor a vow I made 1 year ago. It was liberating… it really was.

Tranquility serenades my soul as I witness my crown of glory being strip. The flow of time and space seems to have been reduced to a perpetual crawl as hairs starts to be methodically crop, detaching itself and plunging in slow-mo onto its burial ground.

It was liberating to me because often times, we made resolutions that we don’t fultill or follow through. We just let what we say we’ll do but fail to commit to fade and sink into the deep recesses of our sub-conscious.

We allow ourselves that little leeway to falter, we gave concessions to our commitments by justifying with excuses why external factors had derailed us from our goals and dreams.

And unwittingly, we drown ourselves into the abyss of hopelessness and inevitably get sucked into the vortex of weaknesses.

Shaving my head, was the most painful thing I could think of socially. I knew that insidiously setting myself up with such a painful consequence should i fail to achieve my goal would ensure I did my level best to avoid it.

And when it was imminently obvious that I could not achieve what i had set out to do, the horror of shaving became an approaching anxiety that grew with heightened anticipation as each day draws closer. I felt my ego freaking out just imagining the harrowing experience of having to face all my clients, friends and family with a bald head.

The thought of backing out, of not keeping to my words, persistently haunts me every waking day with the impending arrival of judgement time. And when it did arrived, I had to make one critical decision, do i let what i vowed backslide into the background tapestry of my sub-conscious?

Forever engraved, woven and imbued of my failure to live up to my words, accumulating again yet another failed attempt, and surreptitiously belittling me in the near future, taking lightly what I say I’ll do by reminding me “it happens all the time, doesn’t it? I make resolutions but Its ok if i don’t follow through”.

And I am reminded that I am a warrior. My warrior name is Peaceful Eagle. My word is LAW.

I keep to my commitments. And i shall not permit myself the power of being unconscious consciously. The power of asking ” I don’t understand why am I like that ” , ” I don’t know why this is happening to me ” absolving me from my responsibility to myself. That is like living unconsciously …. in my calibrated state of higher consciousness. That is no longer acceptable.

Having it shave liberated my anguishing conflicts within myself. For like Lao Tsu said… ” He who control others may be powerful, but he who master himself is mightier still ” .

What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now…. Buddha

For my toastmasters speech in the video above, I must confessed it was done solely for myself. The revealing of my bald head to an expectant audience was not meant to entertain but to expose my vulnerabilities, to seize the opportunity to humiliate my ego, to interpret those laughters not as a sign of applause but a metaphor of ridiculing at my illuminated cone head and the unique absurdity of how I am being perceived.

The evaluator commented or complained that I was preaching too much, and should try to make it more entertaining instead. How true is that?

Advance Project 2 from the storytelling manual is about sharing a personal story as the theme suggest, ” Let’s get personal ” . it was a speech not done to entertain but to preach. For what better time then the beginning of the year to share this personal story with all my friends.

That it is time to step up to your greatness, to not remain unconscious consciously, hovering in the vicinity of mediocrity. That it is time to edify the power from within that was innately your birth rights to begin with.

2010 is the year of inner growth. On being man. And a warrior. AHO!

to be continued…. the best is yet to come.

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August 2, 2009

Back with a vengeance….

Know when to quit

Know when to quit

After a 3 months hiatus, I’m now marching back with a vengeance. The past couple of months had seen my thoughts fluttering like the paths of a carefree butterfly, erratic and definitely conflicting, contradicting and confuse.

In life, we win some…. and we lose some. And sometimes our vision gets so clouded by a web of illusion.  We never know for sure do we? What seems to matter to us most at the present moment and into the distant future, is really that important and what we think it is.  Only time can tell.

Come on, haven’t it occur to you? Looking back at some of your life challenges 10 years ago, what seems to be so devastatingly disastrous then has molded you into the person you are today,….much better off.

Most of us have been the cookie thief at some point of our life. We perceive a string of incidents in our very limited inner world to be the bone-crushing truths and reality. Of what is right and the gospel truth. But are we? Only time can tell….

Oh, in case you’re wondering what was the “cookie thief” persona I’m referring to, it’s a poem by Valerie Cox that we can all relate to. I’d like to share it here…

A woman was waiting at an airport one night
With several long hours before her flight
She hunted for a book in the airport shop
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see
That the man beside her as bold as could be
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene
She munched cookies and watched the clock
As this gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking “If I wasn’t so nice I’d blacken his eye”

With each cookie she took he took one too
And when only one was left she wondered what he’d do
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half
He offered her half as he ate the other
She snatched it from him and thought “Oh brother
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude”
She had never known when she had been so galled
And sighed with relief when her flight was called
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat
Then sought her book which was almost complete
As she reached in her baggage she gasped with surprise
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes

“If mine are here” she moaned with despair
“Then the others were his and he tried to share”
“Too late to apologize she realized with grief”
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief

Well, a warrior’s got to do what a warrior do. Instead of the average man’s beliefs of  do – have – be”,
(1) to do what we have to do first,
(2) so as to have what we want to have and
(3) finally in order to be the person we want to be.

We have to ….

Be like a warrior,
Do like a warrior,
And eventually Have what we truly deserve as a warrior.

The way I see it,

A warrior should always be who you really are and say what you feel, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.

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December 31, 2008

12 things I want to do in 2009 for a better life

Just having passed my 41st birthday… and now its going to be a brand new year starting tomorrow.

That’s the good thing about having a birthday sandwiched between Christmas and New Year celebrations… everyone is still in a celebration mood all week and tends to be more generous and cheery. 🙂

What does breezing past 40 means to me? Well….

  • It feels more airy on my head…. no longer was the prime real estate of my head overpopulated with hairs.
  • I have a preference for bigger font size now…. if it gets too small, my once-upon-a-time Sniper “one shot one kill” eyes just refuse to cooperate.
  • It takes more effort and discipline to keep my physical body in peak condition. Having refrain from exercising for the pass 6 weeks due to a shoulder injury, I could see muscle atrophy at an alarming rate.
    • my chest could no longer fill a B-cup bra… it’s as flat as the airport runway.
    • my arms are as slender as a woman’s
    • my belly loses its definitions and show signs of pregnancy.
  • Sex was a journey of conquest, it is now a journey of bonding.
  • I feel more at peace and present.
  • What I lose in physical ability, I gain in mental capacity.
  • I understand that the Main thing is to keep the Main thing to the Main thing.

And in 2009, which will be tomorrow, here are the 12 things I want to do for a better life…

  1. Sit in silence and quiet the mind for at least 10 minutes each day. Make time for meditation.
  2. Read more books than I did in 2008.
  3. Dream more when I am awake.
  4. Don’t compare, don’t judge.
  5. Don’t win every argument, agree to disagree.
  6. Forgive everyone for everything.
  7. Understand that however good or bad a situation is, IT WILL CHANGE.
  8. Believing that THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
  9. No matter how i feel, get up, dress up, show up and CHEER UP.
  10. Give something good to others each day.
  11. Spend time with people over 60 and under 6.
  12. If others can do it, I too can do it, if others cannot do it, then I MUST do it.

Wishing all an abundant year ahead. May you find joy in giving, fulfillment in sharing and peace with everything. Happy New Year.

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