January 2010

January 12, 2010

On being man, A warrior at heart.

On the 28th of Dec 2009, when I turned 42, I celebrated by witnessing the phophesy of my scheduled thinking time coming to fruition.  Spending 4 hours on an isolated eastern coast of Singapore. (  post : my best date ever 2009 ).

On the 29th, I did what I had to, to honor a vow I made 1 year ago. It was liberating… it really was.

Tranquility serenades my soul as I witness my crown of glory being strip. The flow of time and space seems to have been reduced to a perpetual crawl as hairs starts to be methodically crop, detaching itself and plunging in slow-mo onto its burial ground.

It was liberating to me because often times, we made resolutions that we don’t fultill or follow through. We just let what we say we’ll do but fail to commit to fade and sink into the deep recesses of our sub-conscious.

We allow ourselves that little leeway to falter, we gave concessions to our commitments by justifying with excuses why external factors had derailed us from our goals and dreams.

And unwittingly, we drown ourselves into the abyss of hopelessness and inevitably get sucked into the vortex of weaknesses.

Shaving my head, was the most painful thing I could think of socially. I knew that insidiously setting myself up with such a painful consequence should i fail to achieve my goal would ensure I did my level best to avoid it.

And when it was imminently obvious that I could not achieve what i had set out to do, the horror of shaving became an approaching anxiety that grew with heightened anticipation as each day draws closer. I felt my ego freaking out just imagining the harrowing experience of having to face all my clients, friends and family with a bald head.

The thought of backing out, of not keeping to my words, persistently haunts me every waking day with the impending arrival of judgement time. And when it did arrived, I had to make one critical decision, do i let what i vowed backslide into the background tapestry of my sub-conscious?

Forever engraved, woven and imbued of my failure to live up to my words, accumulating again yet another failed attempt, and surreptitiously belittling me in the near future, taking lightly what I say I’ll do by reminding me “it happens all the time, doesn’t it? I make resolutions but Its ok if i don’t follow through”.

And I am reminded that I am a warrior. My warrior name is Peaceful Eagle. My word is LAW.

I keep to my commitments. And i shall not permit myself the power of being unconscious consciously. The power of asking ” I don’t understand why am I like that ” , ” I don’t know why this is happening to me ” absolving me from my responsibility to myself. That is like living unconsciously …. in my calibrated state of higher consciousness. That is no longer acceptable.

Having it shave liberated my anguishing conflicts within myself. For like Lao Tsu said… ” He who control others may be powerful, but he who master himself is mightier still ” .

What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now…. Buddha

For my toastmasters speech in the video above, I must confessed it was done solely for myself. The revealing of my bald head to an expectant audience was not meant to entertain but to expose my vulnerabilities, to seize the opportunity to humiliate my ego, to interpret those laughters not as a sign of applause but a metaphor of ridiculing at my illuminated cone head and the unique absurdity of how I am being perceived.

The evaluator commented or complained that I was preaching too much, and should try to make it more entertaining instead. How true is that?

Advance Project 2 from the storytelling manual is about sharing a personal story as the theme suggest, ” Let’s get personal ” . it was a speech not done to entertain but to preach. For what better time then the beginning of the year to share this personal story with all my friends.

That it is time to step up to your greatness, to not remain unconscious consciously, hovering in the vicinity of mediocrity. That it is time to edify the power from within that was innately your birth rights to begin with.

2010 is the year of inner growth. On being man. And a warrior. AHO!

to be continued…. the best is yet to come.

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